what day is it and did you see me today?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize