I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
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He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
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Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
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