eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize