1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
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Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
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I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
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