I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
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my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
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My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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