she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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