if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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