ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
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