he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize