When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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