It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
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There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
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What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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