Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
She tied me up with her honor cords...
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
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I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
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The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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