hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
The air taste purple.
Randomize