i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
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This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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