yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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