I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize