Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
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My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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