I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
We need to get me chipped asap
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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