New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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