We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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