3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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