from now on my penis is your penis
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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