Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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