Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
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You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
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So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
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