I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
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How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
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