My room smells like vodka and shame
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize