Apparently you make a good broom.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
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