Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize