So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
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in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
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Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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