Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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