Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
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Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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