The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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