my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
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I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
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Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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