the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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