I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize