I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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