I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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