If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize