I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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