She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize