I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
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