if i can run in heels then i can drive
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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