i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize