I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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