Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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