NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize