He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
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I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
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actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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