Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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