Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
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You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
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Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
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