I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize